IMPENDING DEATH

I just finished a lunch of VERY questionable spaghetti...I know I made it sometime last week but I'm not sure of the exact date...I'm hoping it was Thursday, I feel that would give me the best chance at not getting food poisoning and dying...

I went home at lunch because even though I thought I had taken back everything to walmart that needed to be taken back I later found about five large things that need to be returned and the money go towards Cooper's JUMPEROO fund! YAY FOR JUMPEROOS!

Anyway so I go home to collect the things which I'm hoping I can talk my sister into returning for me (since I've apparently used up all my good graces with walmart), however she'll probably bulk since things like that "embarrass her". I'm like "seriously?! I used to drag you around when you were little and you would be all barefoot and tangled hair and chocolate all over your face but STILL when you asked I took you into the store with me so I don't want to hear how returning something can embarrass you because BASICALLY when we get down to it you owe me".

So I get the stuff up and put it in a rubbermade container then I go scouring for food. We have...nothing. It's times like these that I kind of miss living at home; when you looked the fridge and there was no food and then sometimes miraculously when you looked an hour later someone had went to the store and fairies had filled your home with yummable snacks. I still do that except when I look an hour later there are no fairies and no snacks. Only Mercy trying to climb INTO the fridge. And I'm like "look it would do you no good, obviously there is no food".

But I found this spaghetti and I thought I'd give it a chance so I dished some on a plate and covered it with saran (apparently not very efficiently) and stuck the plate on top of the returnables in the container. It seemed like a good plan. It was the best way to carry everything and not have to make two trips...CURSE MY LAZINESS!

While heading out the door I notice the spaghetti has made an unfortunate slide toward the side of the plate and is leaking out into the returnables container...FRICK...FRICK...FRICK...I feel that this really may be the PICKLE ON THE GIANT CRAP SANDWICH that is my day. So now I can just picture walmart's customer service, not only are they going to be PISSED that I'm returning more stuff (albeit under an alias) but now half of the stuff is covered in a questionable brown stain...and probably because I'm kooky like that when they're like "what happened to munchkin brand sanitizer and these unopened pack of pull ups and what the FRICK is all over that lamp box, probably I'm going to go: UM smells like spaghetti...but I can assure you it's not poo...and they're going to be all like "yeah for the LAST TIME TAKE YOUR CRAP BACK, WE DON'T WANT IT, NOR ARE WE GIVING YOU CREDIT. One more time and we're officially banning you from the store". And then I'd be like "yeah you know what, it was poo, IT WAS POO, YOU TOUCHED POO!" Then I'd be escorted out by security.

So maybe I'll just skip walmart tonight and instead wait on the food poisoning that may or may not kill me.