VOMIT & ME

I always throw up outside. Anyone who knows me but at all, knows this. Throwing up inside is gross because there's the whole sticking your head in the toilet (UGH), holding on to the rim (ILLUGH) and then there's usually always spillage...(I'm gagging just thinking about it).

FLASHBACK TO PREGNANCY DAYS: I was so incredibly sick every day that I was pregnant I had to get really creative with methods and places to throw up. One night after we had eaten mexican (why did I even think that was a good idea?) anyway, it was about 3:00 am and I was sick, sick, sick. Cooper apparently did not like tacos...So I'm in the bathroom because as you can imagine with mexican, "throwing up" was not my only symptom...so I know I'll never make it outside but can't bring myself to barf in the toilet so I run to the bathtub and manage to puke like 45 times...now remember I'm pregnant, disoriented, it's the middle of the night and I generally don't have a ton of common sense. I decide to try and wash it down with water...unfortunately our tub was draining slow and the water was just making one giant vomit soup swirling around and around in our tub...*shudder* okay, so being that I was exhausted I just threw a bath towel over the water-vomit and went back to bed. Needless to say by the next morning it had all congealed to the bottom of the tub and Craig was not thrilled to find it there...(at least he didn't not look and just STEP into the tub...that would have been worse...)

BACK TO LAST NIGHT: similar scenario except substitute stomach virus for pregnancy and it was 4:00 am not 3:00 and also I was wearing my glasses that only have one lens so you have to picture it all with me looking like a pirate.

I was sick in the bathroom again and was in no way going to make it to the great outdoors. I held my head over the sink and let it rip. Unfortunately what I had for supper was chicken fetachini (okay I have no idea how to spell that) alfredo and oreos...not pleasant...

Afterwards I started to run water in the sink and of course IT DOESN'T DRAIN. Because plumbing that actually worked correctly would cause my brain to explode...and no one wants that...and keep in mind that I'm actually bent over the sink to get a closer look at what's going on because I am so very blind...

I go to get the magic fix-it, a walmart bag. If I could only scoop it up into the plastic bag and tie it I could forget about it and go back to bed...BUT no good vomit story is complete without some kind of perilous adventure. When I went to get paper towels (for the sopping up) we were out. (Of course we were)! When I got back to the bathroom Mercy (my most curious cat) was trying to see what was in the sink and if she could possibly eat it). GROSS. Getting the cat off the counter was a challenge because she was determined.

I was still stuck. Some of the water had drained but not all of it and of course non of the actual vomit because...well vomit was not meant to go down a drain...this I should have remembered...I worked with what I had. I used diapers (clean ones) to absorb and clean out the sink. Thank God for Luvs...my only other thought was to maybe open up like twenty maxi pads with wings and line the sink with them. I figured eventually they would have soaked it up.

And if nothing else it would have given Craig one more reason to shake his head and make fun of me.