marie is not here today. she had a conference to go to. her absence was most noticed when i made my ham sandwich and realized that i didnt have a drink to go with it. (because every single day marie brings me a drink from dipper's).
so...against my better judgement (because i am so very cheap), i scrounge the change together to go get a coke out of the machine. i have what i believe to be barely enough. on the way to the coke machine i pass the snack machine. i make the mistake of glancing it's way. FRICK ON A STICK, THEY HAVE SOUR CREAM AND ONION CHIPS! they never have SOUR CREAM AND ONION! i nervously look at the change in my hand. there is a decision to be made and...yep thats right, i am just that fat, i went with the chips!
now you're probably saying, "wait, but wern't you concerned with needing a drink when it was just the sandwich? now you're planning on chips too and you still dont have a beverage? is that smart?" but you don't understand, they're SOUR CREAM AND ONION! so i take the plunge and put my money in and push B4....it whirls and whirls and...my SOUR CREAM AND ONION gets stuck on the mechanism...i mentally stomp my foot and consider trying to rock the machine until i remember all the horror stories of people being squashed under machines they were trying to rock for things less than SOUR CREAM AND ONION even...
i silently and defeatedly walk back to my office. i have no more change. i have no drink and i have no SOUR CREAM AND ONION. then i have a PLAN! i cant get into marie's office because it's locked but if i could find a master key...she always has change laying around and she always tells me i can help myself if i need some for the machine...so...i go on a hunt for a master key. most people at this point would have just given up but I AM JUST THAT FAT.
so i finally find an important person with a key and i break in. i steal enough change (with a mental I.O.U.), to not only ransom my SOUR CREAM AND ONION but to also get an icy cold beverage. i lock the door, return the key and head back out. i go to the coke machine. i have $1.10 in change. the chips are $0.50 and the cokes are $0.60 cents (or so i thought).
i stare at the coke machine. SIXTY FIVE EFFING CENTS. if i spend 65 cents i'll not have enough for the chips...BEAVER DAMMMMMMMMM IT!!!!!!!!! so i did the only logical thing to do, i forgot the coke, and bought the chips and since i already had a bag hanging in the balance i got two. 2 BAGS OF SOUR CREAM AND ONION!
i was giddy happy until i remembered that it meant that i had a ham sandwich and 2 bags of chips and still no drink...not a very good combination for NOT choking...