My email RANT to Ingle's

(this post is an email comment in it's entirety left by ME for the Ingle's company, reference my several different rants and grievances I've had with them lately. I plan to post the response (if I get one). If you get bored easily and don't appreciate a good gripe, skip ahead to next post to find out that Dudley's a girl...)

I just wanted to first commend your corporation for having quality food at competitive prices. Going to Ingles used to be a treat since you offer a wide variety of different type foods HOWEVER my last two shopping experiences in the last two weeks have almost persuaded me to stick to Kroger and other competitors such as our local J&J.

I had received a coupon in the mail from the Purina company inviting me to try a new cat litter. The coupon was for one (1) free bag of Yesterday's News Cat Litter (value up to $6.99). When I went to purchase this (along with lots of other groceries), I was told you don't take "internet coupons" for free items. I explained that it wasn't an internet coupon and that the company had sent it to me in the mail. The cashier called the manager(I think she was the manager) over (Amy) and she said the same thing. I again explained it wasn't an internet coupon (it was on security backed paper and to me did not look like something that would be interpreted as a "fake" or a "printout"). Amy responded with "well it looks like an internet coupon." I just kept my coupon (and redeemed it at J&J) and asked Ingle's to take the litter off my order. There was also a bag of cat food that had rung up a different price than what was marked on the shelf and when I questioned it the manager? (Amy) was very snippy and rude.

I chalked this up to "everyone has a bad day" and tried not to let this experience ruin my opinion about your store.


Last night I was shopping with my mom, baby and friend. I was disappointed because the 9-Lives cat food that had been advertised for two weeks as being on sale, wasn't there. I could see where there had been some on the shelf but they were gone. (This was also the case last week when I went specifically for that cat food...I'm not sure if maybe they just had so few bags or if maybe I just keep going after everyone else cleans them out...).

We all got several things and proceeded to check out. My friend was in a separate line than us and she got done before us. She walked over and told me to check what my Michelina's frozen dinners were ringing up because her's rung up wrong. (They were supposed to be 5/$5 and her's were ringing up $1.25 each-normal price). (There was a large sign on the freezer door). Mine had also rung up wrong. I pointed this out to the cashier and he called Amy. (My friend informed me later that when her cashier had called her over that she had been very rude and wouldn't take her word for it and went to check herself. Okay fine but when she came back she was very hateful and said "those weren't on sale the sign says "assorted varieties" and it doesn't include those. Really? They were the pizza rolls and buffalo chicken variety...So the sale was for the lasagna only? If that was true shouldn't the sign have said "select varieties"? Minor detail but she said she would adjust the price. (Which I'm pretty sure was supposed to be the "sale price" anyway). So when she (Amy), got called to my register she really wasn't happy, slamming my boxes, and muttering things). After that I handed the cashier my coupons. (Not an excessive amount and not to exceed your strict coupon policy). He looked shocked and exclaimed to Amy "she's got coupons too!!!" like maybe I was the cheapest person he had ever met (and I very well might be, lol)! Amy looked confused and told him that was okay. (Again I'm not sure why he was so shocked).

So considering the several different cases of rude customer service, having to figure out exactly how many coupons i am actually allowed to use on a certain order and the fact that a lot of your sales seem to be gone by the time I make it to the store I think Kroger and J&J are a better fit for me. I might not find the exotic choices that I have at Ingles but in my opinion customer service and helpfulness more than make up the difference!

I'm sure this is not the norm for all of your stores, I guess I am just unfortunate that this is the case for the store closest to me, (Dawsonville, Georgia). I am in no way trying to get anyone in trouble and I'm not even saying I'm boycotting your store. It's hard to keep a REAL CHEAPSKATE like me away if there's a super sale but for the most part I'll be frequenting friendlier stores! I sincerely hope that maybe these incidents were isolated and hopefully other people are enjoying the Ingle's Advantage!


Thanks for your time,
Shannon Sexton

DUDLEY'S A GIRL, DUDLEY'S A GIRL!!!

Kind of reminds me of the episode of Friend's when baby Chandler is supposed to be a boy according to ultrasound and after the birth she's a girl and Frank runs out and yells, "CHANDLER'S A GIRL, CHANDLER'S A GIRL!!!" And Chandler goes "oh kindergarten flashback, kindergarten flashback!!!"

Okay well that was kind of off topic but I took Studley Dudley to the vet for the first time yesterday and guess what? Dudley's a girl!! They asked me if I was going to change her name and I'm like "no...she's been Dudley all her life...that's her name".

I know it makes no sense but for some reason I seem to feel closer to her and favor her more sense I found out she was a girl...for some bizarre reason I must love girl cats more than boy cats...BUT I was overwhelmingly glad that Cooper was a boy so apparently I favor male human babies...

Now watch, the next cat we get will be a boy and I'll find out I'm pregnant with a little girl and I'll totally have to edit this post...

VOMIT & ME

I always throw up outside. Anyone who knows me but at all, knows this. Throwing up inside is gross because there's the whole sticking your head in the toilet (UGH), holding on to the rim (ILLUGH) and then there's usually always spillage...(I'm gagging just thinking about it).

FLASHBACK TO PREGNANCY DAYS: I was so incredibly sick every day that I was pregnant I had to get really creative with methods and places to throw up. One night after we had eaten mexican (why did I even think that was a good idea?) anyway, it was about 3:00 am and I was sick, sick, sick. Cooper apparently did not like tacos...So I'm in the bathroom because as you can imagine with mexican, "throwing up" was not my only symptom...so I know I'll never make it outside but can't bring myself to barf in the toilet so I run to the bathtub and manage to puke like 45 times...now remember I'm pregnant, disoriented, it's the middle of the night and I generally don't have a ton of common sense. I decide to try and wash it down with water...unfortunately our tub was draining slow and the water was just making one giant vomit soup swirling around and around in our tub...*shudder* okay, so being that I was exhausted I just threw a bath towel over the water-vomit and went back to bed. Needless to say by the next morning it had all congealed to the bottom of the tub and Craig was not thrilled to find it there...(at least he didn't not look and just STEP into the tub...that would have been worse...)

BACK TO LAST NIGHT: similar scenario except substitute stomach virus for pregnancy and it was 4:00 am not 3:00 and also I was wearing my glasses that only have one lens so you have to picture it all with me looking like a pirate.

I was sick in the bathroom again and was in no way going to make it to the great outdoors. I held my head over the sink and let it rip. Unfortunately what I had for supper was chicken fetachini (okay I have no idea how to spell that) alfredo and oreos...not pleasant...

Afterwards I started to run water in the sink and of course IT DOESN'T DRAIN. Because plumbing that actually worked correctly would cause my brain to explode...and no one wants that...and keep in mind that I'm actually bent over the sink to get a closer look at what's going on because I am so very blind...

I go to get the magic fix-it, a walmart bag. If I could only scoop it up into the plastic bag and tie it I could forget about it and go back to bed...BUT no good vomit story is complete without some kind of perilous adventure. When I went to get paper towels (for the sopping up) we were out. (Of course we were)! When I got back to the bathroom Mercy (my most curious cat) was trying to see what was in the sink and if she could possibly eat it). GROSS. Getting the cat off the counter was a challenge because she was determined.

I was still stuck. Some of the water had drained but not all of it and of course non of the actual vomit because...well vomit was not meant to go down a drain...this I should have remembered...I worked with what I had. I used diapers (clean ones) to absorb and clean out the sink. Thank God for Luvs...my only other thought was to maybe open up like twenty maxi pads with wings and line the sink with them. I figured eventually they would have soaked it up.

And if nothing else it would have given Craig one more reason to shake his head and make fun of me.

Another One Bites the Dust...

I've done it. I've killed another vehicle. This brings my grand total up to 5. FIVE. I have been legally driving for 10 years so that means I average killing a car every 2 years. These are not good odds.

My mom pointed out that it was in no way my fault. But it is. The vehicle was in MY possession. In MY driveway. In MY protective care.

I have spent all morning thanking God that no one was hurt. Thank God Cooper wasn't in the van. Thank God I wasn't in the van. Thank God Craig wasn't in between the van and the truck. I am thankful but I still find the situation ironic...

Do you even know anyone else who has had a GARBAGE TRUCK'S emergency brake fail and the truck go barrelling backwards down a hill and crash into their vehicle and mash it in and push it down the driveway breaking the windows and the wheels? Do you? Oh, you don't? So I guess I'm the only one who can profess DEATH TO THE VAN BY RUNAWAY GARBAGE TRUCK.

SOFT ~n~ NASTY...

"Soft n Nasty" a quote from my husband yesterday.

He stayed home with our sick Coopasaurus and like a good house husband he did a few chores. When I got home all the clothes were gone out of the bathroom floor. I walked in the laundry room and commented on how good it smelled.

"Yumm it smells so...good in here...what did you do?" "It's just the detergent you bought, it smells really good!" At this point I'm thinking to myself "really? the purex I got for $1.99 on clearance? hmmmm. I didn't know it smelled that good..." Then Craig picked up the bottle of liquid he had ACTUALLY been using to "wash" the clothes. "Craig, that is Snuggle Bear (or whatever that cuddly little bear product is called). It's fabric softener...not detergent..." He shrugged, "Oh...well I guess our clothes will be SOFT ~n~ NASTY."

And that, right there, that's why I did it, that's why I married him, because of moments like that.

YOU NEED TO CHECK IT OUT

CHECK HER OUT --------------> http://jane4girls800dollarannualbudget.blogspot.com/

i just discovered her blog today so im not that familiar with, but apparently she documents every shopping trip and tells about her purchases and blogs about her savings. she also had some awesome recipies most of which are made to cook in bulk and freeze for later...AWESOME.

love,
shannon

COOPER-5 MONTHS OLD!!!

Cooper,


You reached a milestone yesterday...while I was at work...you rolled over! Yay for mobility! Your Gran was afraid to tell me, afraid that I would be upset because I wasn't there but who could be upset about something as wonderful as motor skills?! I mean I only work at the dipper's one night a week so from now on if it's not too much trouble maybe you could save the really cute stuff for me, okay? But if you must manifest your new found knowledge somewhere else Gran and Grandpa Frosty's house is a good place! (I must admit though if you dare say "Aunt Bec" as your first words, pretty much, you'll be disowned...)


Wow. Five months old. Amazing. You still take my breath away. Every single morning when I look at you waking up in your crib and smiling at me and looking so happy to be alive I hate myself because I didn't get up thirty minutes earlier just so I could hold you and talk to you and be with you. Dropping you off at Ms. Karen's is hard because I miss you but I know that she loves you and you love her...and that helps.

Next week is halloween and you are going to be...A DINOSAUR!!! You have this absolutely adorable costume and you make the prettiest dinosaur ever! We're going to a halloween party this Saturday and you'll get to meet your great aunt glenda and great uncle phillip. Most of daddy's family will be there so we'll have a great time. You, of course will be the star! A green dinosaur star!

I love you so much. I just can't say it enough. I am SO thankful to God that He gave us you. I couldn't imagine our life without you. It would be so boring and drab and wouldn't contain any kind of "jungle themed" toys...you bring us laughter...you bring us life...

All day long I count down the hours until I get to be with you again. Right now there's seven...which is a lot...but we'll make it. One more day until the weekend then we get two whole days off together, yay!

I can't wait until Christmas, I have so many things swirling around in my mind that I want to get you. This time next year you'll be walking...and talking...and such a little man...I wish we could live in slow motion so that I could savour every single minute...except the occasional 2:30 feeding (to which I can't complain, there haven't been too many) but those I could fast forward through...no, not really...even at 2:30 am I love you unconditionally and I still love to wrap my arms around you. I'd not trade a minute for anything...

I don't know why I'm so sentimental today. I guess a combination of things. So I better wrap this up before I start crying at my desk, because it's one of those days that I'm going to cry at random things...commercials, songs, your smile, and under NO circumstances will I let your daddy watch Extreme Home Makeover because that will send me right over the edge...

I love you and in just a few short hours I'll be there to hold you again.

Love,
mama

When I Place an Order My Name Now Comes Up: PLEASE SPIT IN HER FOOD...A LOT

I hate papa john's. I really hate it. I don't like the pizza, the topping selection annoys me and the customer service sucks. "Why do I keep ordering from there?" you might ask. Basically because it's not quite as bad as dominoes and it's cheaper than pizza hut. In case you haven't noticed from my last forty posts, I. AM. CHEAP.


So because we had company coming I decided that I'd give it another try. I was tempted to order pizza hut...but, well you know...

So I looked online before we left the house to see what we wanted. I decided on "the special". Now let me also mention that I have a booster card that enables me to "buy one get one free" at papa john's. From previous experience I knew that I couldn't use the card in addition to the "special" but I also knew that they could sell me one pizza at regular price and I could get the other one free.


So we leave the house and I start my errands. About half way through I call to order the pizza. I ask about the "special" and am told that, that is an "internet special" and has to be ordered online. ARE YOU FRIGGIN KIDDING ME?! No they were in fact not kidding but very serious I had to order online. UGH. So while on the phone I asked about the booster card. Yes I was reassured I could use the card and get charged regular price with one free and the total would be $16.99. Okay $16.99 for two pizzas, I could handle that. I mean it's cheaper than pizza hut but probably that's because pizza hut's two main ingredients aren't CARDBOARD & CRAP.


So I hang up, drive to my office, (out of my way) and order the pizza ONLINE as instructed and then waited around for at least 20 minutes. All the while Cooper is blissfully sleeping in the car but at the dangerous point of "could wake up any time and scream for hours". Also Stephie was in the van with him, no I did not leave him alone!


After what seems like forever, I get to papa john's. I go in and a worker shuffles to the front counter. Yes shuffles. No, he is not old. He gives me the total and of course it's wrong. I explain to him that I had the booster card and I was told that I could pay full price for one and get the other for free. He grimaces like his life is over and pushes some buttons and then says "I don't think I can do that because you ordered online." "REALLY!" Then I say "well I tried my DARNDEST to order on the phone and was told that I HAD to order online." "Hmmm" he says "hang on, maybe this will work. Okay I got it to go through." "Excellent" I hissed. "$21.08." I asked "so one is $16.99, the other is free and the extra sauce is $0.49 right?" He nodded. I handed him my debit card all the while thinking that sounded too high but since my math sucks and since "math in my head" sucks even more I waited until I got my receipt.

Sure enough they had charged me $18.39 for the pizza. SIGH. The shuffler had already shuffled his way to the back to do some other duty with the basic ability of a slug. I got someone else's attention, showed them the receipt and then explained what was going on. He looked confused, looked at the register, looked at the menu board and then desperately looked around for the shuffler. Finally the non-old man slowly made his way back up to the front SERIOUSLY KID, PICK UP YOUR FEET AND PULL UP YOUR PANTS!!!

He looked at the register, looked at the menu board and said "I guess the pizza is $18.39, that's what the receipt says"...(On the menu board the price for that "special" wasn't up there...of course). "You said it was $16.99. The girl on the phone said it was $16.99". "I guess that was wrong because the register says $18.39". I just wanted to scream, "WHY ARE YOU A MORON...with two FAKE gimp legs?!?!" Then he says "hang on let me do something for you." "Finally, I thought, maybe he's going to adjust the price or give me a credit on my next visit for $2.00 or SOMETHING". Instead he shuffled (I kid you not), to the other register and printed me out another receipt. WHAT?! How in the FLOCK does that help in the least?! I already have a receipt, it has the wrong total on it.

So I gave up, defeated. I took my overcharged, cold cardboard and crap and went home with it. I was tired. I was hungry. I let them win.

I will give papa john's props for one thing. I do like how they push condiments. I love condiments and have been dipping my pizza in marinara or ranch since before it was cool. And if you're a condiment lover like me or a fat kid, as much as you hate to admit it you have to admire a place that will ENCOURAGE you and persuade you to dip pizza (probably the greasiest, fattiest food known to man) into a small container of pure butter.

Do you even know where THAT goes?!

(a post from yesterday)

As I sit here and write this I feel like a CRAP-A-DOODLE. In case you aren't familiar with that term it technically means "feeling really crappy and probably on the brink of death".


Even though I'm pretty sure it's fairy warm outside I have my office heater on because I'm chilling. I can barely open my eyes because my head hurts and ears are popping and my throat sucks really bad. Also my back hurts, my legs and feet are throbbing and my uterus is trying to single handedly kill me. Now if that doesn't define CRAP-A-DOODLE I don't know what would.


The first symptoms were my back and uterus so I blamed my period. (Which I now don't feel is completely at fault although it surely isn't helping). Next my head, eyes and ears exploded, to which I attributed to the fact that I lost my contacts this morning and was wearing my sucky glasses. Later I got more contacts, head still exploding. Then I figured that Craig had conveniently passed his germs to me since he went to the doctor today to find out he doesn't have strep, but some type of virus. Now with my legs, feet and the chilling I'm wondering if maybe it's not my very own version of the flu...


Yuck.


I very rarely get sick so when I do I guess I'm kind of a whiner. Okay I know I'm very much a whiner. But anyway, so Craig was at walmart getting his meds and I asked him if he would pick me up a box of tampons. All the while I've been complaining of how bad I feel and the fact that everything hurts and useful trivia like that. So Craig finds the specific box that I want and I ask how much it is. "$4.57." "WHAT?! For a tiny box like that?!" Craig is now fumbling through all the tampon boxes making sure he hasn't accidentally picked up the size labeled "GIANT ECONOMY, WILL LAST UNTIL MENOPAUSE". "I'm sorry, that's the smallest box they have." "UUUhghhghgh, I moan, just never mind I know I have a coupon at home I'll wait until I have that with me." "But baby if you're hurting like that you need these NOW!" "What?" "You need these now because you're hurting so bad." "What?"


At this point I'm really confused because what does he think tampons do? They're not some kind of miracle drug guaranteed to cure all that ails you...a necessity sure, but by no means "just what I need to feel better". Because he is obviously (even if in his "man innocence") trying to be nice and do me a favor I let all this go and just tell him to go ahead and chop off his arm and let them know I'll be there later to give them my leg.

Now that I've lost all faith in my husband's knowledge of tampons, I have to ask myself, "does he even know where they go?"

Do you want to be raised by Wolves? (scratch that) CATS?!

Cooper-

You're my sweet little boy except in the morning time and then you're mommy's little terror...you wake up in an awesome mood, cooing, talking, kicking your legs, then we change your diaper and you're smiling and basically melting my heart. Then comes the really traumatic part...the part where I can't hold you or give you my absolute undivided attention because I must get ready myself...this baffles you and you feel that the only reasonable thing to do is SCREAM. AND SCREAM. AND YELL. And then scream a little more for good measure just in case I didn't hear you right.

So I'm running back and forth from the bathroom to the living room half naked, dangling toys in front of you, handing you paci's, all the while keeping an eye on our GLASS DOOR to make sure no meter readers or door to door salesmen or neighbors stop by because, um, did I mention that I'm naked? And you're all like "I. Hate. This. Toy. I want it to die!" And I'm like Cooper, look it's your penguin, yay for penguins, you LOVE your penguin!" And you're like "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGJHJHJHJHJHJHJHH"

I bought you a JUMPEROO!!! in hopes that it would occupy you long enough in the morning time so that I could get ready without the chaos. Your JUMPEROO!!! that you love in the afternoon you HATE in the morning! You hate that JUMPEROO!!! You angrily slam the toys and scream to drown out the jungle sounds and you ultimately refuse to jump.

It's not as if I require a lot of time getting ready. Have you seen me lately? I take my showers at night (when I'm lucky) and when I don't I usually go without because, well that's just my lot in life. To be stinky... Anyway I'm not into hair and makeup. My face is naked and my hair I usually just pull up so basically we're talking bare minimum, I just need time to brush my teeth, put contacts in and cloth my body. And even if that only takes ten minutes it's too long when someone is SCREAMING until he's choking and then I have to take time to run out NAKED! and see about you and make sure that you keep breathing even though I feel that sometimes you just want to stop because your life is so very horrible.

So this is our routine. You keep on screaming while I pack the diaper bag. Even if I pick you up at this point you don't care, nothing can console you, NOTHING. Then we walk outside. Instant silence. You look around, you smile, you're all like "the world is good again! I want to live, I want to be part of this magnificent place where the air smells good and the sun is shinning and we live amongst hundreds of those kitty cat things..."

It's like magic. It's incredible. At first I'm always like, "wait, have I gone deaf", but no NO, you're actually happy! You're in the great outdoors and this is wonderful and amazing and you're back to mommy's sweet boy giving me smiles and "talking" and letting me know that you forgive me and you love me again...

So tomorrow's routine is going to involve me setting you outside in your carseat while I get ready. I could still keep an eye on you through the glass door...basically I think that the cats would do a really good job raising you...

I love you!
love,
mommy
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Top ten things that have kept me from working this fine monday...

Number 10: fantasizing about food...

Number 9: random text messages to becca involving ear candles, lesbians, and a certain person's head exploding

Number 8: things like http://www.dooce.com/ and http://www.abdpbt.com/

Number 7: thinking about whether you are still reading this or maybe if you used my links and now are caught up in another blogger's world, thus forgetting all about me...

Number 6: wondering why I don't use words like THUS more often...

Number 5: text messaging to ask if cooper is still breathing...a question that i ask more often than 5000 times a day...

Number 4: counting down the days until Christmas...there's 72

Number 3: squinting and blinking because my contacts are way too old and im too cheap to go back to the eye doctor...

Number 2: making other random lists like "what i need to buy at walmart" or "what i need to clean at my house" or "ways to take over the world"...wait....forget i said that...

and the NUMBER 1 REASON I'VE DONE NOTHING TODAY IS: i am the most FANTASTICAL, amazing WONDEROUS procrastinator you'll ever meet...but i'm fun..does that count?

Random Wonderings of my Brain on a Monday

-ok so like 2 months until Christmas!

-i wish cooper would just get teeth already so he doesnt have to run a fever and scare the crap out of me

-anytime it rains i always wish i was in construction so i could stay home and sleep

-i've been guilty of wishing for a handicap when i cant find a parking spot

-i could eat a hot dog every day

-i could eat spaghetti every day

-i could eat tacos every day

-i DID eat spaghetti everyday when i was preggo with coop

-i hate math

-craig hates math

-angela hates math

-becca and gretchen hate spanish

-sometimes i really really hate my job

-i have adorable cats...sometimes...

-3 cats is the perfect number

-im still waiting on that kitty farm

-DID I MENTION THAT CHRISTMAS IS 2 MONTHS AWAY?!

-Thanksgiving is bound to be FIASCO-filled

-why must my family (or is it just me?), (or is it just craig's family?) NO its definitely all of us, why must we all thrive on FIASCO?

-why is it a year later and i still dont have a car?

-why is it that i have absolutely no ambition about some things?

-i really want to have a fall extravaganza bananza-is it too late to plan it?

-i could eat tastefully simple every day.

-did i mention that i could eat spaghetti every day?

-i had spaghetti last night...i was going to bring it for lunch...then i forgot...FRICK!

-i could eat bacon every day...

-MY GOSH, IM HUNGRY

-i should try bacon in tacos...OR bacon on spaghetti...yummmmm

It Just Doesn't Make Good Sense...

I received an email from a company which I had ordered checks from the last time we were out. Since we are currently out of checks again I actually opened the email to see if they were having a great internet sale...no. As it turns out IF I was a new customer I could get my 2nd box of checks for only $0.10 but since I am a recurring customer my 2nd box of checks would be a hefty $10.95! SERIOUSLY?! It's like I'm being punished for being a repeat customer...it's like the stores that give you the card with punchouts and everytime you visit you get a punchout and after you fill up your card you get a prize, except their way of rewarding you is asking you bend over so they can simultaneously kick you and post a "sucker" sign on your back...REALLY?!

So this prompted me to look for another online site to order checks from and low and behold they were having a "new customer" sale too and since I'm a new customer to them that's where I'll be ordering checks from and I'm guessing it's safe to say that from now on until the ends of our lives I will use a different check company every single time we run out of checks...

I Think I Want To Live On a Kitty Farm

I got the idea from Beth and I decided that yes, I too want to live on a kitty farm. I have plenty of available land where I live, I mean I can't think of anything that would make my grandma (who's land is previously was) or my dad (who's land it technically is) prouder than if I rounded up hundreds of stray cats and put them there...yeah that was sarcasm...BUT my MOM (who's land it also technically is) would like it...I think...

Craig was disgruntled at Studley Dudley the other day when his tiny claws penetrated our couch. In his exasperated mood he declared that "of course I don't care if the cats destroy every material thing that we own because if it was up to me I would have 75 cats". Nothing could be closer to the truth.

I feel that cats are sometimes overlooked as tossed to the side, treated not as important as *dogs*...now don't get me wrong, dogs are okay, I don't think I've ever met an animal I actually don't like but cats have got to be my favorite. And I know there are others like me. Now all I have to do is round these people up and we can start making plans...

I have a vision: a wildlife sanctuary made up entirely of cats. With trees and treats and jingly balls and the catnip will grow wild and the milk and honey will flow freely...

Text Conversation between Becca and Me, just now

Becca's Location: apparently on the football field after school

My Location: alone at my desk (like usual)

Becca: -sigh-theyre practicin for homecoming. homecoming girls are so stupid.

Me: that wasnt very nice but it was very random and for that i appreciated it...

Becca: yeah well sometimes the truth hurts. and sometimes random truth hurts even worse.

Me: that made me lol and then snort at my desk

The Ability to Counterfeit Free Cat Litter Coupons at my fingertips...

Because I am so very cheap I look for online deals to sign up for various free things. One thing that I was particularly excited about was a free bag of purina cat litter. (a value up to $6.99) Woo hoo! So I filled out the form and the purina company sent me in the REGULAR MAIL a paper coupon to go redeem my prize...I was giddy with the excitement of free stuff and I was drunk on the sense of ABSOLUTE CHEAPNESS and the possibility of actually saving almost $7.00...

So I headed to walmart (yuck!). They did not carry this type of cat litter. It's okay, I consoled myself, this just meant I got to stick the coupon in my COUPON BINDER in the FREE section...I could feel myself getting excited again...

We (me, mom, cooper, angela and the most reluctant becca and her friend, heather) trekked to Ingles to scour for deals and freebies and more money saving...I found the litter-YES!!! Muwahaha! When we reached the checkout and the lowly cashier boy scanned my items and told me my total I smugly handed him my coupon which he looked at, turned over, starred at and finally called a manager...aughhhh...she handed the coupon back. (In a most nasal voice): 'I'm sorry but we don't accept internet coupons for free items." "It's not an internet coupon." She looked at it again, "looks like it and we don't take internet coupons for free items." "Ummm okay well do you take manufacturers coupons because that's what it is! The manufacturer send it to me in the MAIL." "Ma'am we cannot accept this." WHAT THE FRICK?!

Okay this coupon was literally burning a hole in my binder. Every time I opened the binder there it would be, taunting me, like saying, "I'm worth almost seven whole dollars but for some reason fate is against you and it's not meant to be and I'll just sit here and expire in this forsake binder and it will be like the evil grocery store managers won yet again!" I was determined, "No little coupon. No freebie coupon should ever die a lonely life in a binder. It should get to play out it's part in destiny and get cashed in for free product...it needs to fulfill it's purpose."

I went to J&J. I found the litter. I tentatively walked to the counter. Carefully not making eye contact with the cashier I handed her the coupon. Out of the corner of my eye I could see her biting her lip and starring hard at the coupon. Finally she looked at me. "I don't think I can take internet coupons." "It's not an internet coupon! If you can't take it fine but I swear to you the manufacturer sent it to me in the mail!" A man was working beside her. He looked at it. You can take that. "Are you sure?" she asked uncertainly. He nodded. Then she happened to flip it over and I could see the tension leave her face, "Oh look it has the security backing, now I know it's valid."

If only I had noticed before my Ingle's trek that the back of the coupon was covered in (I don't know the official name) but like water mark things that say "purina" diagonally across it then I would have most definitely pointed this out to all those who deemed me a liar and then I would have pointed out that if that coupon had indeed come from the internet and if I did in fact have a printer with the capability of creating security backed paper AND IF I had the ability to forge such document I can assure you that I would spend my time counterfeiting money NOT falsifying fake cat litter coupons...

Apparently we're all going to die...

I just found out that my poppop, (who's 69 and just spent 3 weeks in the hospital and has a permanent indwelling catheter and cane OH and did i mention alzheimers...) yeah that one, he's on his way to go buy a MOTORCYCLE...my response was...SERIOUSLY?! REALLY?! I had to take off from work to help you get from your chair to the car so that you could go to the hospital and YOU THINK YOU CAN SAFELY RIDE A MOTORCYCLE?!

Some of my favorite responses to this newest fiasco have been:
mom (while talking to me): "Just be careful on the road today...be very very careful..."
uncle mark: "What the #$%* does he think he's going to do with a motorcycle?!"
AND THE BEST ONE YET:
angela: "PROBABLY THERE'S A REASON THAT MOTORCYCLES DON'T COME WITH A PLACE TO HOLD YOUR CANE..."

Everyone say an extra prayer today...

~shannon

since Angela says I'm a control freak...

I guess I can go ahead and share some of the other bizarre things that bother me...while texting or on the computer why must people do this:
-KEWL
-SK8ER
-L8ER
-NO (for know)
-DUNNO (don't know)
-DUM (yes you are)
-GIRLZ
-BOYZ
okay that's all for now...but L8ER iLl holla @ u boyz n girlz 2tell u whatz up and other things that annoy me and basically what yer DOIN wrong N gen'ral...k?

Straight From My Husband's Lips:

As we left church and passed the gas station he looks over and without cracking a smile, as absolutely serious as I've ever seen him he goes "I'm so glad gas is $4.00 a gallon...I just can't think of anything else I'd rather spend my money on".

Then he just waited until I finally laughed out loud and said "you are kidding, right?"

He never answered and that makes me go "hhmmmm".

Hemorrhoids and Hernias

For some reason I always confuse the two in my mind and whenever someone is talking about either for some reason I'm always picturing the other one...

How's that for random blogging...

Something in Common with Conan

well we finally reached triple digits...WOO HOO. some bloggers (like heather armstrong at http://www.dooce.com/ ) get thousands of hits a day and it takes me a half a month to reach 100...

I feel like conan o'brien, how he always says only like 10 people are watching his show...that's me. Except instead of the late late show its the show after that...you know the one where its like 3:30 am and they're selling something and you're like "why the crap am I watching this" and then you realize that it's because the remote is all the way across the room where you threw it at the cat for climbing up the wall and you think "well probably I'm not going to use this $599.99 upper body workout machine because it's 3:30 and so far I've been to lazy to get up and go to bed"...oh my bad that's actually an INFO-MERCIAL...but that's what I am.

I am the INFO-MERCIAL of blogs...

Maybe I'm just a CONTROL FREAK...

But seriously HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU IT'S CHEAPER?

If I hear Craig order a mighty kid's cheeseburger meal one more time I am seriously going to loose it. Over and over again I have pointed out that it's cheaper to order a double cheeseburger, small fry and small drink and still have more food than the freakin fake "happy meal".

First of all happy meals haven't been "happy" since they took away the cardboard box and replaced it with a suck filled, environmentally friendly, paper bag. Secondly with the frick is up with "mighty kids". It's like, "KIDS, KIDS, HAPPY MEALS AREN'T BAD ENOUGH FOR YOU, BE A MIGHTY KID!" (A mighty fat kid). Not that I was a healthy kid, heck when I was four I was ordering BIG-MACS and there's nothing wrong with that but it pisses me off when my 35 year old husband pays over $4.00 for a $3.00 meal just to have it come in a bag that says "I'm a Mighty Kid"...

IMPENDING DEATH

I just finished a lunch of VERY questionable spaghetti...I know I made it sometime last week but I'm not sure of the exact date...I'm hoping it was Thursday, I feel that would give me the best chance at not getting food poisoning and dying...

I went home at lunch because even though I thought I had taken back everything to walmart that needed to be taken back I later found about five large things that need to be returned and the money go towards Cooper's JUMPEROO fund! YAY FOR JUMPEROOS!

Anyway so I go home to collect the things which I'm hoping I can talk my sister into returning for me (since I've apparently used up all my good graces with walmart), however she'll probably bulk since things like that "embarrass her". I'm like "seriously?! I used to drag you around when you were little and you would be all barefoot and tangled hair and chocolate all over your face but STILL when you asked I took you into the store with me so I don't want to hear how returning something can embarrass you because BASICALLY when we get down to it you owe me".

So I get the stuff up and put it in a rubbermade container then I go scouring for food. We have...nothing. It's times like these that I kind of miss living at home; when you looked the fridge and there was no food and then sometimes miraculously when you looked an hour later someone had went to the store and fairies had filled your home with yummable snacks. I still do that except when I look an hour later there are no fairies and no snacks. Only Mercy trying to climb INTO the fridge. And I'm like "look it would do you no good, obviously there is no food".

But I found this spaghetti and I thought I'd give it a chance so I dished some on a plate and covered it with saran (apparently not very efficiently) and stuck the plate on top of the returnables in the container. It seemed like a good plan. It was the best way to carry everything and not have to make two trips...CURSE MY LAZINESS!

While heading out the door I notice the spaghetti has made an unfortunate slide toward the side of the plate and is leaking out into the returnables container...FRICK...FRICK...FRICK...I feel that this really may be the PICKLE ON THE GIANT CRAP SANDWICH that is my day. So now I can just picture walmart's customer service, not only are they going to be PISSED that I'm returning more stuff (albeit under an alias) but now half of the stuff is covered in a questionable brown stain...and probably because I'm kooky like that when they're like "what happened to munchkin brand sanitizer and these unopened pack of pull ups and what the FRICK is all over that lamp box, probably I'm going to go: UM smells like spaghetti...but I can assure you it's not poo...and they're going to be all like "yeah for the LAST TIME TAKE YOUR CRAP BACK, WE DON'T WANT IT, NOR ARE WE GIVING YOU CREDIT. One more time and we're officially banning you from the store". And then I'd be like "yeah you know what, it was poo, IT WAS POO, YOU TOUCHED POO!" Then I'd be escorted out by security.

So maybe I'll just skip walmart tonight and instead wait on the food poisoning that may or may not kill me.