You're my sweet little boy except in the morning time and then you're mommy's little terror...you wake up in an awesome mood, cooing, talking, kicking your legs, then we change your diaper and you're smiling and basically melting my heart. Then comes the really traumatic part...the part where I can't hold you or give you my absolute undivided attention because I must get ready myself...this baffles you and you feel that the only reasonable thing to do is SCREAM. AND SCREAM. AND YELL. And then scream a little more for good measure just in case I didn't hear you right.
So I'm running back and forth from the bathroom to the living room half naked, dangling toys in front of you, handing you paci's, all the while keeping an eye on our GLASS DOOR to make sure no meter readers or door to door salesmen or neighbors stop by because, um, did I mention that I'm naked? And you're all like "I. Hate. This. Toy. I want it to die!" And I'm like Cooper, look it's your penguin, yay for penguins, you LOVE your penguin!" And you're like "AAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRTGGGGGGGGGGGGGGJHJHJHJHJHJHJHH"
I bought you a JUMPEROO!!! in hopes that it would occupy you long enough in the morning time so that I could get ready without the chaos. Your JUMPEROO!!! that you love in the afternoon you HATE in the morning! You hate that JUMPEROO!!! You angrily slam the toys and scream to drown out the jungle sounds and you ultimately refuse to jump.
It's not as if I require a lot of time getting ready. Have you seen me lately? I take my showers at night (when I'm lucky) and when I don't I usually go without because, well that's just my lot in life. To be stinky... Anyway I'm not into hair and makeup. My face is naked and my hair I usually just pull up so basically we're talking bare minimum, I just need time to brush my teeth, put contacts in and cloth my body. And even if that only takes ten minutes it's too long when someone is SCREAMING until he's choking and then I have to take time to run out NAKED! and see about you and make sure that you keep breathing even though I feel that sometimes you just want to stop because your life is so very horrible.
So this is our routine. You keep on screaming while I pack the diaper bag. Even if I pick you up at this point you don't care, nothing can console you, NOTHING. Then we walk outside. Instant silence. You look around, you smile, you're all like "the world is good again! I want to live, I want to be part of this magnificent place where the air smells good and the sun is shinning and we live amongst hundreds of those kitty cat things..."
It's like magic. It's incredible. At first I'm always like, "wait, have I gone deaf", but no NO, you're actually happy! You're in the great outdoors and this is wonderful and amazing and you're back to mommy's sweet boy giving me smiles and "talking" and letting me know that you forgive me and you love me again...
So tomorrow's routine is going to involve me setting you outside in your carseat while I get ready. I could still keep an eye on you through the glass door...basically I think that the cats would do a really good job raising you...
I love you!