DEEP SH!T

Do you ever find yourself knee deep in sh!t? Literally?


I have neglected to buy trash bags for the last three days that we have been out. I don't know why, I'm just stupid like that. Anyway the litter boxes could not wait any longer. It was time. They needed to be dumped. So I thought I could improvise with a target bag. It seemed bigger and sturdier than a walmart bag...and this theory may have just panned out if the bag hadn't of been full of holes that I did not notice...


So I set the litter box up on the toilet, wrap the bag around it and start to pour...I feel something hitting my feet but because I'm slow I guess and I don't realize what it is until I pour the whole freakin box out...yeah it was dirty cat litter that was slowly encasing my legs...


I looked down. It was like when you see little kids at the beach and they cover their feet and legs up with sand and say they're the little mermaid...except instead of the beach it was my bathroom...and instead of sand it was a pile of crap...


I shouted a few obscenities. I happened to be on the phone with Angela at the time and she was making fun of me. Craig was in the living room and he was making fun of me too. Somehow in the confusion Craig (ever helpful), asked if I needed his help. Apparently I said, "yes" but was actually talking to Angela and whatever snide remark she had just made. So he tentatively makes his way into the bathroom only to stand in the corner and angrily mutter under his breath about "cat crap everywhere" and "no trash bags for a week" and "blah blah blah blah freakin blah blah blah" and I'm like "seriously? Why are you here? Why are you in the bathroom looking at me?" And he's like "when I asked you if you needed help you said yes". And I'm like "okay well I was talking to Angela and no I don't need any help" and he was like "are you sure, because I could help". And I'm thinking, "really?! Because right now you're being about as helpful as a zebra...with no paws..."

So then i had to try and sweep all the litter/cat crap up and try and stuff it all into one of Cooper's diaper pail bags which are all of 6"x 6", I mean seriously they're tiny, they belong in a miniature doll house...

And all the while all three cats are encircling my legs like "oh boy, wow, i guess now the whole bathroom is just one gigantic litter box, how cool is that!" And I'm going "really?! Are all three of you having a bathroom emergency right now? Right this second? Are you all so desperate for the box that you have to patrol around my feet waiting, just waiting for the gloriousness of litter scattered abroad, more than your tiny cat hearts could ever even imagine?!"

So i finally cleaned all the litter up. I finally managed to encase it in several tiny bags and get them closed without incident. At last my bathroom didn't look like a giant sandbox and smell like a county dump. Then I go to fill up the clean litter box with clean litter and would you believe we were out?! There was enough to put about an 1/8" in the bottom of the box. I set it down and all the cats looked at me as if to say "we kind of liked it better when we were knee deep in sh!t..."